Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Two weddings and a... family feud?!

image from here

Well, in spite of my desperate attempts to avoid wedding-related drama and stress considering my current state of stress at work (sorry to keep bringing it up, but that is my reality right now), we have hit a tiny (ie. HUGE) road block. As the days pass, the impact seems to lessen, but suffice it to say, the long standing issues between my FH and his younger brother (much younger... ie. 13 years younger!!) seem to be surfacing right in the middle of our pre-nuptial stresses. The background on this form of sibling rivalry is that lil bro is the quintessential baby of the family... could never do anything wrong, endlessly protected and defended even (ie. especially) in the face of obvious screw-ups on his part, and quite frankly, is always the centre of the attention. NOW, I am also the youngest in my family, but grew up with a mom who treated us identically... I'm talking Christmas present budgets to-the-penny-equal. So, it is difficult for me to watch my FH struggle to build a relationship with lil bro when he obviously resents him for the star role he has stolen from him, and his sister (2 years younger). Well, lil bro has definitely swooped in and stole the show from us... more importantly, from MY MAN... it pains me to see how this has hurt him.

Lil bro started dating a girl a couple of months ago... I'm talking 2 months ago people. His mom has mentioned that they are just head-over-heels, to which I have responded "lil bro falls head over heels when he meets ANY girl... this will last a couple of months most, just like the rest of them" (that's me, the cynic talking!). We haven't met this girl, so needless to say, we fell off our chairs when FH got a call from lil bro last week, telling him he had PROPOSED?!?! Yup, at the ripe age of 23, knowing the girl for 2 months, never having lived together, popped the question. But the best part... wait for it... the wedding date you ask?!?! 4 weeks after ours?!?! 1st weekend in October!! Yes, do the math dear readers... that means these two kids will be marrying 5 months after meeting. Don't mind me, but I think that is ridiculous!!

My FH has taken serious offense to this news, and is absolutely livid that lil bro didn't even have the decency to ask what we thought of him getting married right after us. Now, I know a lot of you are thinking, it's no big deal, it's a month after yours. And to be honest, I personally agree. I know it really isn't the end of the world, but because of their history, and how badly my man has taken the news, I am offended. lil bro knew this would be an issue (he even told his mom and dad that he didn't want FH offended...), and he still couldn't muster up the balls to speak to us directly. The family has FOUGHT about this let me tell you. They won't acknowledge FH's feelings, or validate his concerns one bit, which is causing him to shut down. He doesn't want to talk to them, he says he is hesitant to share things with them at all now, and while we both know what's done is done and it's time to move forward, I can't help being sad that a wedge sits between my FH and his little brother, who is standing up for us, all over the issue of attention.

I understand why people elope... family feuds over weddings... not fun?!?! Help me... are we fair in feeling put out by this? Would you care if your younger sibling swooped in like this for a spontaneous wedding weeks after your own? Any tips on how to not let it affect our emotions about their wedding/marriage??

Stumble Upon Toolbar


  1. Urghhh... Sorry to hear that... How sad that even the parents are not seeing that the guy is "getting married" exactly for the wrong reasons. Oh well, there is nothing you personally can do except support your fiance. And by supporting I mean staying cool by all means - he is already upset, and you should be balancing him out, otherwise you both will be miserable. I would suggest thinking of it as of something absolutely not personal, as if the little brother were a distant cousin. I really hope it all works out for you!

  2. oh man. that is some serious shit too. I can't really picture one of my sisters doing that and I can't really process what that would feel like. But it's devastating your FH, and that is heart-breaking.

    My cousin and I are getting married on the same day. Doy.